The Incredible Versatility of Bacon

June 29, 2022
Written by
Don Vidler
bacon bandage on a child's arm

Librarians in another state recently told a newspaper reporter that one of the weirder things they’d ever seen used for a bookmark was a strip of bacon.

 

We here at Vidler’s respectfully disagree that marking one’s place in a book with a savory strip of applewood-cured pork is weird. On the contrary, we think bacon is good for a lot of other things besides breakfast. If you want proof, just come in and head down the aisle near our candy counter, to our novelty section, where you’ll find a veritable bacon-palooza: bacon bandages; bacon soda; bacon candy; and bacon lip balm. (“Do your lips a favor.”)

Bacon Lip Balm

 

The manufacturer of the balm, Accoutrements, has this to say of its product: “Every time you eat bacon, don't you wish you could taste that cured-meat flavor all day long? Well, now you can. Just carry around a tube of this Bacon Lip Balm and you can keep your lips moist and meaty around the clock. Warning: Your lips will smell like bacon, but they are not bacon. Do not bite your lips.”

 

Bacon lip balm isn’t all we have to offer, though. Vidler’s also has been known to carry bacon toothpaste (“…good oral hygiene starts with pork!”) Uncle Oinker’s-brand bacon mints. (“Freshen your breath with the delicious smell and taste of bacon.”) Bacon floss. (“Each plastic dispenser contains 27.3 yards of bacon goodness.” And, yes, even bacon air-freshener.

Bacon mints

 

Given that men reportedly like bacon better than love, this part of our novelty section makes a good destination for dads seeking to take their out-of-school kids for a fun outing. .What better time than summer to explore the incredible versatility of cured strips of pork? “Like so much in life, summer goes better with bacon,” declares allrecipes.com before offering up recommendations such as BLT hotdogs and pizza and bacon-wrapped grilled chicken.

Bacon air freshener

If you want to endlessly savor all that bacon, try following up a meal by brushing with bacon toothpaste.  

As we at Vidler’s say, breakfast is one of the three best meals of the day, so why waste it? All those delicious morning tastes are wiped clear off your palate once you start brushing your teeth. Well, you don’t have to forgo taste for hygiene anymore.

But bacon as a bookmark? Well, why not? Cooked or not (the librarians didn’t note a preferred method) bacon makes just  as much sense as the wad of hundreds of dollars of cash, the wrapped cheese slice, or the completed tax forms that those librarians also found used as bookmarks.So, if you enlist the help of Oscar Mayer in keeping your place in that summer read you’re working on, you won’t hear us say a thing except this: 

You have great taste.

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