We at Vidler’s are the proud preeminent provider of the perfect five-and-dime rubber chicken. In our commitment to help you maximize your rubber-chicken revelry, Vidler’s Video even produced the award-winning* short film Rubber-Chicken Soup for the Soul.
In our never-ending pursuit of rubber-chicken preeminence, we have stumbled upon rubber-chicken tomfoolery that is unequaled east or west of the Mississippi River, north or south of the Mason-Dixon Line. Here, gentle prankster, is where the rubber (chicken) meets the road. The surprise on the face of your victim is plenty reward for your effort.
Pick your victim with care. A mother-in-law is a good choice, but don’t expect her to pick up the tab.
Once you have picked your prey, invite her (assuming you’re going with the ma-in-law) to meet you at a restaurant, preferably a burger joint or Mexican café. Invite several relatives and friends.
On D-Day, pack your rubber chicken in a brown-paper bag or some other unremarkable conveyance, and arrive at the restaurant half-an-hour early.
Introduce yourself to the manager, show her/him the rubber chicken, withdrawing it slowly so as not to frighten him/her. Cradle the chicken, and stroke its beak as you explain that you are honoring your MIL and you would like to include the chicken in your honored guest’s meal. There are as many possibilities as there are feathers on a nonrubber chicken. If you have chosen a Mexican restaurant, the chef can lay the rubber chicken alongside the lettuce, tomatoes, and other fixings. Wrap the bird in a tortilla or stuff it into a taco shell. If you’re at a drive-in, lay it in the middle of a bun – hamburger or hot dog are equally effective.
Ask the wait person to approach as quietly as possible to avoid alerting the guest of honor that something fowl is afoot. For best pictures and video, it’s best that your prey doesn’t notice anything amiss until the plate is setting before her on the table.
At this point, bring out your phones and video cameras. Then send us your videos, which we may consider for our sequel to Rubber-Chicken Soup for the Soul titled Which Came First: The Rubber Chicken or the Yodeling Pickle?.
A word to the wise(acre). This gag will soon be trending, so come to Vidlers 5 & 10 to purchase your rubber chicken right now. Once this catches on, if they could fly, rubber chickens will be flying out the store. Take my word for it. Rubber chickens soon will be the new toilet paper, and you won’t be able to buy one anywhere.
* Vidler’s Annual Rubber-Chicken Video Competition, we took home the Golden Drumstick Award for best film short in 20XX.